For the last 10 months I’ve been dealing with one of the ultimate fears in life, I’m going to lose my Mom, more likely sooner than later. She has an inoperable cancer that life expectancy is 6 months to about 3 years depending on how early it is found and how well it reacts to treatment. She’s already beaten the worst case scenario, so it’s all borrowed time from here on out. It’s an incredibly tough realization to come to. There were tears, and awful feelings and thoughts. I can’t imagine what she’s going through, between grappling with the reality of the situation and being bombarded with chemo and radiation. Not to mention Covid 19 fears and repeated tests for it.
My Mom is not the healthiest person in the world. She’s overweight, after having bariatric surgery several years back and then gaining back about half of the weight that she lost. She’s a previous breast cancer survivor in her 20s. She’s been disabled for several years due to fibromyalgia and 2 bum hips, one of which she had replaced about 6 months before her cancer was found. This has of course postponed indefinitely getting the second hip replaced so she hobbles around and needs a walker a lot of the time. Stairs are tough for her. As I write this it all just sinks in what a terrible spot she’s in. If you don’t have your health, you don’t have much else.
Story set now, this is not a boo hoo post. I’ve come to terms with the situation and have started moving forward, trying to assist my parents and sister in doing so as well. We have an unknown amount of time left, but that means we have time to try to get as many things as possible that we can control into a good situation. Mom now has a very finite amount of time, so we have to work quickly to make sure it’s not a mess when her time ends. We need to make sure their will and power of attorney are up to date, plans for funeral arrangements are in place, last wishes are clearly indicated, and that she has the means to feel secure leading up to the end.
Helping with security of course involves finances. My Mom was always the one taking care of their bills, my Dad really has no idea where they stand or how to even log in to the accounts. This underlines the necessity of communication in marriage. Whether you both actively monitor things is not as important as just making sure you’re both updated about your positions and situation, and making sure you both know how to access everything if one of you were suddenly not able to.
My parents lost just about everything in the Great Recession. My Dad’s company did away with his position all across the country. It took him a couple of years to find something about 2/3 of his previous income level. During that time they had to take on heavy credit card debt to stay afloat, as well as tap his 401k just to save their house. Of course that meant doing so at the bottom of the stock market during the recession, and because of that their retirement savings never recovered. My Dad is 67, but still working. When he retires their only income will be Social Security. That means when my Mom’s time is up, my Dad will have to get by on only his SS check. They currently still have a mortgage of about $100k. They have multiple other loans and credit card debts that need paid off before he can retire. And now, there’s a time crunch before they lose my Mom’s Social Security income. It’s become a race against the clock to get out of debt, but still live their best lives together while she’s here.
I’ve worked on setting up a budget for them the last few weeks. I’ve used my personal budget spreadsheet and adapted it to their issues. In so doing I’ve also found a few other useful things to add to my own, such as anticipated pay off dates and interest rates. It’s not just about how much you’re paying to some name every month. There has to be an end goal with debts. Letting them ride indefinitely keeps us locked in our current situations. The only way to improve and get out is to check those anticipated end dates, know them, and then work to improve on them any way that we can. My parents last anticipated debt payment was set to be February of 2025, so 56 months away. I’ve created a budget for them that’s both generous in allowing them money for family and travel, the Christmases that my Mom loves to have, and still pays everything off within 32 months. That’s without changing much of anything obligation wise, and there’s a LOT that could be optimized there and speed things up.
Too many of us have no idea where our money is going, and thus can’t direct it toward financial freedom. Simply taking a look at my parents’ finances, I can save them years of debt payments, thousands of dollars in interest, and maybe even help my Dad retire before my Mom leaves us. Do yourself a favor, track your spending.